Go the F*ck to Sleep: Why Bipolar Night Owls Mess with the Space Time Continuum
You know that episode of The Witcher, where Geralt is fishing for a djinn, and Jaskier asks him why, and he screams, “I can’t fucking sleep!” I always think of the ire in his gold eyes when he says that. It’s horribly frustrating when your body is in desperate need of a break, but your mind cannot calm down. This is especially true for those with Bipolar Disorder. A manic episode can take your thoughts to 150mph, and it always seems to happen right when your head hits the pillow. Or, you don’t even get that far, and you can’t even contemplate hitting the hay for the day.
THE GIVE & TAKE OF STAYING AWAKE
When the latter happens, and you’re so engrossed in a task or activity that your mind doesn’t even recognize that your body needs rest, you’re in a bit of a pickle, especially if you’re alone. You won’t heed warning signs or cues that you need to go to bed. Particularly difficult on nights when you have to be up early the next day, these cues are essential for starting the process of winding down. But mania is very difficult to overcome when you’re in the eye of the storm.
For example, I was working on marketing for my novel from the time I got off work one day to 10pm. When my husband asked me at 5pm if I was going to eat, I shrugged it off. When I had to go to the bathroom, I held it until I couldn’t anymore before making as quick a restroom break as I could manage, and then got right back to it. At 10pm, my husband came to tell me he was going to bed, and I kissed him goodnight. He said, “Are you coming?” I barely heard him. “Yeah, I just have to finish this,” I said absently, knowing that my head wasn’t hitting the pillow anytime in the next few hours… if at all.
I could have taken the cues I was offered, taken a step back, and assessed how my body was feeling, but my mind wasn’t interested in my body’s welfare. My mania didn’t allow me to shift my focus from my task, no matter what the incentive. I was able to be very productive and focused, but at what cost? The price I paid in the morning when I went to work, having only gotten a couple hours of sleep was, in hindsight, not worth it. But mania doesn’t allow you to look to the future—it is entirely focused on the present moment.
DROOPING EYELIDS & RUFFLED FEATHERS
So, what kind of side effects can you expect from allowing your mania to reign over your sleeping patterns? Get ready for a world of pain, including:
Jumpiness
Inability to focus
Memory impairment
Immunity issues
Drowsiness/Dizziness/Fatigue
Decreased performance
Lack of balance
Low sex drive
Low energy
Hallucinations
But that’s not all! Because not only do you have to contend with all of these factors on the daily, but also the long-term effects to your health and wellness.
CIRCADIAN RHYTHM VS. MANIA—THE ULTIMATE POWER STRUGGLE
It is scientifically proven that people who struggle with getting a proper amount of sleep when they are manic also make their bipolar worse. They are prone to more mood swings, weight gain, and downswings of depression. That’s right! Your manic episodes could actually directly lead you into a downward spiral. Bipolar is intricately linked to circadian rhythm. If you don’t get the proper amount, or even the correct timing, of sleep, you may be setting yourself up for some serious consequences.
Every now and then, I like to party. I will stay out late (I mean, late, like 4am), but I recognize that this will cause me to hit a brick wall the next day, and I can expect that whatever stability I thought I had will be shaken to its foundation. The next day (or later that day, I should say), I will have crying fits, uncontrollable mood swings, and fatigue like I have never known. I understand that as a consequence of my partying too hard. I make plans for it—ensure that nothing is going on the next day so that I can account for the horrible mood that I’ll be in. I’ve learned that about myself over the years.
But doing this for days on end WILL catch up to you. If you’re manic for a few days or two weeks or a month, and those cues to sleep don’t trigger you into allowing your body to rest, you are going to regret it. I guarantee it.
DOWN PILLOWS & PILL BOTTLES
So what can be done? You’re saying to yourself, “I don’t want to live like this, but it’s mania, AK. What the hell am I supposed to do?”
We talked about cues. Mine is my husband going to bed, but as you may have noticed, that isn’t a very good one, because it can easily be ignored. If you recognize that you’re becoming manic (and this is a very important thing for someone with bipolar to do on a regular basis), create your own cues to keep yourself and your circadian rhythm in check.
I suggest setting alarms in your phone. Maybe a couple, because the more you’re taken out of your mania brain, the more the message will sink in—and one alarm can easily be turned off, but after the 5th one, you can’t really ignore it.
When the alarm goes off, that is the cue for you to start your nighttime routine, which will signal your body that it’s time to get some shut-eye. You can habit stack this routine with personal hygiene like washing your face, brushing your teeth, taking your medication, etc., and you can do something nice for yourself like have a cup of tea, read for a little while, or snuggle up with your pet. Whatever you do, do the same thing every night. These cues will become habits, which will become instincts, which will automatically (over time) signal that “wind down” in your mind and body.
Try creating these cues and routines while you’re not manic, and they will be 10x easier to implement when you are manic. That way, you won’t be constantly battling your manic brain; it’ll know, instinctively, that it’s bedtime. So… go the fuck to sleep, already. ;)
