Excavating for Survival: The Intricacies of Planning Alone Time for Introverts in Love
So you found your other half. You love each other and everything is wonderful. Except that sometimes you don’t want to be in the same room with them. That’s normal, isn’t it? … Isn’t it? Welcome to the very murky waters of introversion in relationships. Whether you’re the introvert or your Significant Other is, we’ll delve into some of the more unique aspects of living an introverted life, and why some couples are driven absolutely bonkers by needs that some would consider downright odd.
(If you don’t know enough about introversion, or you’d like to know more,
take a look at these articles.)
Introverts often need time and space to recharge from social interactions. This is a natural restorative which allows them to fill up their depleted fuel tanks for further social engagements. A normal requirement of this time would be an entire space (like a room or sometimes the entire house) void of human interaction. The length of time is dependent on the needs of the individual and the amount of depletion of their social gas tank. Also, the longer an introvert goes without downtime, the longer they’ll need it once they have it. Make sure you keep this in mind, Extroverts! Extroverted partners of an introvert often don’t realize (a) something is considered a social interaction, and (b) how quickly their S.O.’s meter dips to Empty.
OF ANIMALS & INTROVERTS: A note on this wild phenomenon
It appears that when in their natural habitat, even the deepest introvert is immune to the social responsibilities which sap their energy when it comes to engagement with their pets. This is at least true of animals they know and are familiar with, if not animals in general. Scientists are still studying this abnormality and the reason for such a pronounced exception to the general rule, but is is speculated that the common introvert does not find animals to be threatening (especially in the way that they do not speak and/or request things) and that they generally reflect the quiet nature that introverts require of their environment.
NAVIGATING THE INTROVERTED TERRAIN
I’ve mentioned the general needs of an introvert when their gas tank is empty, but not the tools to use when finding your way with your S.O. Here, I’ll throw you a compass to ensure your travels are at least directionally sound.
Two Deep Introverts
One of you may need to vacate the premises at a time, continuing to switch off in this method until both of you are charged back up. Perhaps one of you can go to the library or a quiet park, while your S.O. finds their feet again. Seeking out quiet spaces with minimal human interaction will be a good way to spend the time away from home, as well, and will not cause a further social drain.
It may be a tedious process and you may see less of each other, but for deeper introverts it’s not quite as necessary to spend so much quality time together, but this is what makes you so compatible! When you understand where the other person is coming from, it’s easier to empathize.
Low-Level Introvert + Deep Introvert
Oh yes! There are many types of introverts. There are even introvert/extrovert hybrids (imagine that! It isn’t just black and white). When I refer to Low-Level Introverts, I mean those who have a slight amount of extroversion nestled within them. They usually require the standard downtime, but they can get hyped on a social outing so long as it’s small and with people they know. However, they don’t often need the amount of downtime that a Deep Introvert does, which can cause some tension and misunderstanding in the relationship.
Each S.O. in this type of pairing needs to be able to communicate their needs with the other, as it is often assumed that the social meter is now full when it is most assuredly not. Find an equilibrium which gives you both the time that you need, while gently suggesting to the Low-Level Introvert that more time is required before social activities may resume.
Opposites Attract
You guys need to talk. Like, yesterday. Make sure you know what your S.O.’s needs are. If you don’t know how to broach the subject, start by telling them that you want them to be happy in your relationship. If they know what you’re saying is coming from a place of love, it’s easier to swallow whatever else the conversation may dig up. And be ready with some shovels and a flashlight, because there may be things hiding underneath the surface that present difficulties for your S.O. that you had NO idea even existed. The fossils that you uncover may just have been hidden there since the beginning of time, and you would never have known unless you shook things up a little.
Make sure that you’re giving your S.O. the benefit of the doubt during these conversations, as well. They may not have offered their needs previously for fear of rejection, which is often the case with introverts. We live in a world that is catered to the extrovert. It’s not easy to open yourself and feel vulnerable on any given day. When you have these conversations, it may be in bits and pieces (not unlike the fossils we were just eluding to). Give them plenty of room to breathe and time to understand what it is they need from you. You may be the first person in their entire life to care enough to ask them what that is, so they might not even know the answer themselves!
